A friend sent me this. I laughed so hard that I had to share -- sorry it's so long!
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Map Quest needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my damn neighborhood.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to the ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!)but when I immediately call back it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
My daughter Kate and I were talking the other day about the general stresses of the holidays. She knows that I get very uptight and anxious around the holidays, so she shared something that has made a huge difference for her.
Her pastor gave a sermon a while back about getting dressed in the morning. She talked about how most of us take great care to put on the right outfit, make sure our hair looks presentable and that we’ve got a little makeup on; it gets us ready for the day. But what about out mental outfit? Why not take that same amount of time to dress our psyche for the day ahead? Put on a good outlook? Instead of going out the door knowing it’s going to be a terrible, aweful, no good , very bad day, tell yourself it’s going to be a great day.
Kate said that this whole concept really hit home for her. She’s a 5th grade teacher, and has daily challenges with her students as well as with some of the parents. Those days when she woke up on the wrong side of the bed generally turned out to be crappy days, with that bad feeling carrying through to everything, including her students. Her attitude had a way of spreading to others like the flu. But once she started dressing herself in confidence and the notion that she could handle whatever came her way, she noticed a huge difference.
Well, I’m gonna give it a try, shake those holiday blues. Today I put on some enthusiasm, brushed up my energy and decided to wear my joy. It WILL be a great day. Such a simple idea, and it didn't cost me a dime.